Breaking Open the
Crayon Box
Where I grew up, people were expected to have their lives planned out by junior year of high school. Typing that out, I recognize how absurd it sounds, but that’s a genuine description of my town’s atmosphere. For years, I listened to my friends describe where they saw themselves in the future — packing in details like where they would go to school, what they would major in, what they would do following graduation, etc. — while I sat by quietly hoping no one would ask me next. Those conversations always made me nervous because I had nothing to add, and never felt like I was getting any closer to figuring it out. At the time, it seemed like I was alone in my confusion, so I would make up stories every couple of weeks to keep up appearances; one month I wanted to be a teacher, the next a lawyer, another month an interior designer: the list went on.
​
By the time I came to Michigan, my prospects weren’t much better. Having graduated from a small, single-sex high school that followed an incredibly traditional curriculum, my awareness of the world around me and the job opportunities within it were limited. I still had no idea what I wanted to do, but now I had an even larger pool of people to deceive. I was even more overwhelmed during orientation when I was introduced to the new, seemingly-never-ending course guides; the most adventurous decision I had made in the past 13 years was studying French instead of Spanish, so to say I was lost is a grossly understated, yet extremely accurate, cliché.
​
​
A pestilent weight which quarantined me from the real world...
​
​
You would think I would’ve jumped at this opportunity to take something new and expand my kilt-wearing, French-taking horizons, but the academically robotic personality I had cultivated since Kindergarten was hard to shake. I felt crushed by the pressure of setting the tone for not only the upcoming semester, but the rest of my college career, so I reverted to what I knew. Selecting a string of introductory liberal arts courses that fulfilled basic requirements and reflected what I’d been taking for years, I felt confident that I could at least survive my first few months on campus, while simultaneously avoiding having to make any concrete decisions about my future. It took a year before I could shed the shell of my former grade-grubbing self; a pestilent weight which quarantined me from the real world, and prevented me from discovering who I truly was.
​
While registering for my first semester sophomore year, however, I decided to take a “fun” class — something completely outside the bounds of what I had studied or what my distribution required — and, by way of a friend’s suggestion, I enrolled in COMM 102. This course was an introduction to the media industry, and ultimately the reason I decided to pursue marketing as a career. I wish I could explain exactly what drew me to this field — perhaps it was the ability to be simultaneously creative and methodological, or maybe it was simply something I felt I could connect with and understand — but the feeling I had while learning new material or developing a project encouraged me to believe I was on the right track. For the first time since my Media Arts classes, I felt passionate and purposeful in my work, and began exploring media-related job opportunities. Although I was still unsure of what my future would look like, I decided that majoring in Communications would be a good start, so I declared by the end of the semester.
​
While this project originally began as an opportunity to showcase my work — a word I still feel weird using because I’ve thought of it merely as a hobby for years — it has somehow developed into a personal narrative about figuring my life out. Whether this was a natural progression or my subconscious’ way of helping me focus my goals is unclear, but my hope in sharing this story is that other students will realize they don’t have to have their lives figured out as juniors in high school either.
​
Even as a senior in college, I sometimes look back and wonder what I’ve even been doing for the past four years. Yes, I’ve taken a lot of Communications classes and had a few marketing internships, but sometimes even those don’t feel like clear career paths. I envy my pre-med peers and friends applying to law school because it seems like they have clear checklist to follow, whereas I’m still making mine up as I go. My hope through creating this site, however, is to reach other students who may share my uncertainty and confusion, and to serve as a reminder that the future is rarely black and white.
​
​
There is beauty in exploration that even the greatest uncertainty cannot detract from...
​
​
Looking back on my time at Michigan, I have no regrets, even if I’m still not entirely sure where my life is going. Not being tied to one career has allowed me to explore different paths, molding my identity through a variety of classes, communities, and internships. While it is frustrating at times, there is beauty in exploration that even the greatest uncertainty cannot detract from, and I am grateful to be in a position where I am both allowed and encouraged to wander. Wherever I end up, I’ll know that that’s where I’m supposed to be because I’ll have tested different paths along the way. I mean, after all, how am I going to know what my favorite color is unless I try all the crayons in the box?
​
​
​
​
​
​
​
​
​
​
​
​
​
​
​
​
​
